Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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