If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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