the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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