Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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