how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
so much tequila, so little girl.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
