You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
