i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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