I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
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He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
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I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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