My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
