We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he told me I talked like a deaf person
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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