and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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