Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
