the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
