i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
