You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
