I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
