I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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