i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
