im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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