We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
