I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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