There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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