That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize