Where did you get a picture of my penis
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
