I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
