Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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