i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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