I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
