the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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