Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
