Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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