I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
