I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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