Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Drake has all the answers
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
