I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
