I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
