you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
