then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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