Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
