Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
