My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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