Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
