he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
