Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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