Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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