my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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