I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize