just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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