Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
