If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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