i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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