Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
