The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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