I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
