I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
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I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
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You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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