he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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