this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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