I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
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He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
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My butt remains clenched, sir.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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