Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
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As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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