he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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