I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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