Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
