I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
There's always time for handjobs
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
