i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I pour the whiskey from now on
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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