she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
