As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
