I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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