Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
