I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
